Real Headlines and Bylines…

Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
(Highly Improbable…)

 

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
(Really? You think?)

 

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
(Now that’s taking things a bit far…)

 

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
(What a guy!)

 

Miners Refuse to Work after Death
(No-good-for-nothing’ lazy so-and-so’s…)

 

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
(See if that works any better than a fair trial…)

 

War Dims Hope for Peace
(I can see where it might have that effect.)

 

If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
(example of a Logical conclusion at its absolute best…)

 

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
(Who would have thought!)

 

Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain;Police Suspect Homicide
(They may be onto something…)

 

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
(Uhm, can we see that engineering degree, please?)

 

Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
(He probably IS the battery charge.)

 

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
(Baked beans for lunch?…)

 

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
(Chainsaw Massacre all over again…)

 

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
(Boy, are they tall!)

 

And the winner is….
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

 

Did I read that right?

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